Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
