I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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