drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
