Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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