My balls are so social today.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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