bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
