It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
