did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
