Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
only you would photoshop your dick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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