Dual....:-)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
