Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
