my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
