i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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