Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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