He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
