If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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