..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
