p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
