I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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