Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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