please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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