What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
