a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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