we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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