Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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