In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
