JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize