So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
