what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
