You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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