I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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