dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
