I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
