I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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