I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
