The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
