But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
