Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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