you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
