Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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