Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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