My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i'm inner monologue high
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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