So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
