I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
