we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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