I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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