he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize