so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had to cum in my sink.
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