Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Damn victory sex feels great
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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