I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
