In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
