I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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