I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
