Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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