my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
