WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
love makes seman taste better
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
