well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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