Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
