Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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