I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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