i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
