When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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