oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize