didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Too much gin, very little bucket
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
