I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
