Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
