I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
