i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize