I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
