I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
