We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
