I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
