there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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